Sunday, October 19, 2008

A Convenient Truth

Inner city residents often complain about the lack of a grocery store. There used to be one on Main Street, but the city decided that parking spaces were more important. Now, we have to venture two miles to the by-pass where urban sprawl is in command.

City officials have been busy with attempts of revitalizing Main Street Danville. A new parking garage was erected, the Hub Coffee Shop and CafĂ© joined with the Centre College bookstore, construction workers have been busy installing new sidewalks, and many building faces have been restored. The Heart of Danville, a community driven economic development initiative, secures millions in grants for downtown Danville, establishes farmer’s markets on Main Street during the summer months, and sponsers community wide events. Wonderful improvements.

But, there still isn't a grocery store.

In my world, this is a dire situation. Stubbornness, and wanting to limit my use of gasoline had forced me to look for other options for "grocery stores" in downtown Danville (ok, it’s more about laziness).

Speedway is a gas station and convenience store located 2 blocks from the heart of Danville. Convenience…I'll say. And, It's 30 paces from my office at the Presbyterian Church. Problem solved.

I used Speedway for all of my eating needs. The people were great. I never had too look them in the eye, which was good for me because I was somewhat ashamed of my newly formed habit. And, more importantly, they had everything my stomach desired. Let's face it: McDonalds can't quench that 5th-avenue-sour-patch-kids-corn-dog-slim-jim-combos-coke-gatorade thirst. It's really the only place you can go to satisfy all of your heart's desires. They are more dangerous than Mickey D's, trust me. Along the lines of Supersize Me, Morgon Spurlock should subsist on food from Speedway, and call it A Convenient Truth. My formative, protruding belly demands it. America needs to know it's fat because of Speedway.

And when I bump into old friends, they usually greet me with, "Ooohhh, and I see you're carrying a little one with you these days – quite the beer belly." I never spoil their fun and let them know that it is actually a Speedway belly. And besides, I rarely have beer in my house these days. I only drink it at Applebee's with the softball team after we get crushed by scores of 32-1, 26-3, and 25-4. Pitiful, I know.

Anyway, even though old habits die hard, I was able to shake the Speedway one, although, the occasional 2 for $1 hot dogs draw me in from time to time.

Now attempting to cook real food back at my apartment, I purchased a miniature Weber grill. I cook huge quantities of chicken, steak, and vegetables and eat them for dinner and lunch for days. It is hard to cook for one person. That's why people get married.

All this to say, Speedway is evil. After quitting, I soon realized that I had racked up exactly 17,506 Speedway points. 750 points gets me a coffee of any size.

Guess I'll have to go back and cash in my 23 coffees.

4 comments:

Mark W. Mallman said...

Cooking for two MUST be why people get married! Ha.

Hilarious

Nate said...

Tell you what, I sure miss that Hub Diet. And you nailed it: cooking for one is a pain.

hannah said...

It IS a pain. My problem is that I can't cook massive amounts of food and then eat it for days...if I cook massive amounts of food I will eat it ALL AT ONCE. There's no winning.

Cutesy but not cutesy said...

I thought I was the only one who had trouble cooking for one... Even though you've successfully kicked your speedway habit after our nice little chat about it while you were chomping away in your dark office, listening to the radio...I am still proud of all the points you earned. And if you don't cash in on them, I'll drink 23 coffees myself with them when I come to visit. Me in Kentucky and 23 coffees is sure to be a good time.